Four Thoughts On Going To Festivals/Events/Retreats

I find myself in a bit of a lackluster state when it comes to looking into festivals for this coming up year.  I am looking to Free Spirit Gathering and Sacred Space with a rather “meh” attitude about them.  I just don’t find myself super intrigued by many of them (or even by the fire performance festivals either).  So…..WHY?

#1 I come to the events to grow, learn, and be challenged as a performer/magician.  Not to hang out and socialize

I remember my first FSG.  I was introduced to fire performance and a number of people who became good friends and it led the way to being where I am now; surrounded by a coven of remarkable people who I consider my family.  I was challenged by the classes and introduced to topics that while many of them didn’t intrigue me I was at least willing to try.

That challenge, that questioning is worth a price.

But when I went for my second year; I was no longer challenged because I discovered that the presenters never really changed.  I have made this discovery at multiple events that 90% of the classes and material every year don’t change.  Instead of being an event to grow and challenge myself.  The event instead becomes a celebratory/social event.  I go to remind myself of what I am and to see friends and family that I have not seen in a while.

The tickets for free spirit run on the expensive side at around 300$.  The truth is that I don’t feel obligated as much to pay 300$ for what is essentially a celebratory/social event (not including the cost of camping, food, etc).  The truth is I don’t feel a big social reminder of what I am should cost that much unless it’s an incredible reminder and celebration of who and what I am.

#2 …………I’M NOT PAGAN…….*twitch* I’M NOT A BURNER…………..*twitch*

I know that I am a part of a coven in a tradition.  I know that I am a fire performer  for whom the idea of a good time might get me arrested at some point.  But I am not a pagan and I am not a burner (at least not in the cultural sense as identified by what Burning Man IS NOW).  Part of the claims of both burning man as well as events such free spirit gathering is that they are all inclusive.

But, in reality they are not so much.  While the idea of these events is that they are inclusive the reality of the culture that has been created is that you are still expected to conform to a standard and that the event will also in a sense conform to the standard of the people itself.  For instance, my background is peter carol “chaos magick”, Sumerian-Hebrew qabala, and grimoires.  The chances of me finding material and classes on these topics at an event are slim to none which ends up becoming the following issue.

“If I am not paying 200+hotel room for advanced classes what am I paying for”

When looking at these events and seeing only one or two classes that intrigue me I am once again going to an event for a reminder or cultural experience.  

And to be honest,  this is the part of that frustrates me a lot because these events that I really love and enjoy but end going to and being disillusioned by.

#3  “Well then teach (run,make,etc) something!!!!”

Not everyone can be a teacher, run an event, or be a leader within all aspects of their work.  My work as an entertainer takes precedence over all of that because that is what makes me feel better spirituality, emotionally, and mentally.  The truth is that the onus for making a rather lack-luster event better doesn’t fall only upon the culture that makes up the event but also on those who organize it as well. Taking the time away from my work in that regard hurts me.  And the truth is, being involved in any way as a leader, event planner, or teacher is a huge time involvement and commitment; it really isn’t easy and it really isn’t as “glamorous” as you might think. 

#4 Options, options, options.

I have to do what is best for me, my family, and my community.  There are enough options of events in the fire performance community, magical community, and the magickal community that I find myself able to hop over to a new event and see what they have.  I hold importance to my community and friends and they are not contained by an event no matter how much my memories say that they are.  If my identity and community is defined by an event than do I really have a community or an identity.